You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
