I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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