I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
