Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
