The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
