I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
