remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All the doctor said was why
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
