Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
