i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He passed out mid-signature
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
