Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
