Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize