Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
