you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize