So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize