If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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