I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i've created a new STD.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
