I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
