I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
