we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
