then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bed smells like the plague
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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