She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
