it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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