There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
