dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
