I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
