Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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