they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
