Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
