HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
