she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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