I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
