Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
