Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
