Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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