Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize