I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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