how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
