a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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