I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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