ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
