Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
please don't ironically join a cult
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