Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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