I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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