She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
