you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
