every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
