Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
