It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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