wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize