I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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