She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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