We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
