dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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