So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
