omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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