Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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