Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
