As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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