Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
