hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
