i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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