well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
