I bet he comes in French.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize