I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
