I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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