im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
