we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
