Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
