Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
