Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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