I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
