I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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